Marriage – The Vine

“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, a Book Review

amanda — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 01:31:11 +0000

John Gottman was a long term member of the faculty at the University of Washington in Seattle. Now retired from university teaching, he is head of the Gottman Institute, along with his wife Julie Gottman, Ph.D. He has spent his entire career studying and researching what the attributes are of healthy and successful couples. He is considered a pre-eminent authority on this topic. This book draws together the main concepts of his research and is presented for the individual or couple interested in improving their marriage. It is not a technical or clinical book.

Gottman presents concepts for improved communication styles, viewpoints on various conflict styles, and solutions for differences of opinion on significant issues. He offers options to work with all of theses. In his research he studied physiological responses to love and conflict and presents measurable suggestions for couples whose conflict has become “flooded”—and how to resolve these situations. The book itself can be read by an individual, or a couple can work through it together. Each chapter has discussion topics at the end which can guide couples in closer relationships.

One of the hallmarks of Gottman’s work is what he calls “Love Maps”, which means he believes the more a couple really knows about each other, the more grace they can extend and the more compassion they can offer each other. The chapters are laid out so that couples can improve their Love Maps and be in closer harmony. This book is considered a classic and is highly recommended for couples seeking to improve their relationship.

by Rev. Dr. Jack Ragland, Clinical Director

Prayer for a Couple with Conflict

amanda — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 01:23:53 +0000

Dear Lord, you give us such a gift when marriage goes according to your plan. Each person blesses the other. But when this relationship is not full of pain and hurt, it touches everything. Lord I pray for the couple where both are in agony because the hurts are deep and have become patterned. I pray your special presence and protection. Give them the courage to withstand making the conflict worse. Keep them from the temptation to let the tongue set a whole forest ablaze like in says in James. Instead Lord, please fan into a warm flame the pleasant memories they share about the beginning of their relationship. Give them assurance of brighter days ahead so that they will have the support to look at the deeper causes beneath the conflict. Please, dear Lord, grant your tender mercy and love to bring healing in the deep hurt places, so that they can live together as husband and wife according to your plan, a relationship, a love, that gives life rather than diminishes it. Help them find their way towards peace. Amen.

Prayer for a Couple

amanda — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 01:03:05 +0000

Lord, you are most holy and wonderful! You desire for us to live in wholeness and health. You establish families and bless us with love. I lift this precious couple into the warmth and light of your love. Bless them LORD, God. Bless them. In the places where they have hurt each other, give them an abundant supply of grace so that they can heal. Let them be found again and again saying “I am sorry” and “I forgive”. Ease their tension; soften their pain. Open their eyes to a depth of understanding and truth that will become a bond of knowledge; let this bond be a foundational stone. I pray that your mighty protection surround them in such a concrete way that they can feel and experience so that it will be easy for them to internalize the height, depth, width and breadth of your love for them. Protect them Lord, God, from all evil that would seek to destroy. Bless each one with the fulfillment of being the one to say the words that sets the heart of the other free. In the storm, may they find in each other a place for rest. Make your plan for their future shine brightly, and bring them to it, LORD, with all the fruits of your Holy Spirit. Bless them, LORD God, I pray with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. You are the author of all health and well-being, worthy of all our praise and honor. Let it be so, LORD, let it be so. Amen.

(Stained glass from First Presbyterian, Athens, supporting church of The Vine).

Prayer for Couple with Past Hurts

amanda — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 00:41:46 +0000

Gracious Lord,

It is difficult to have a heart of gratitude when things hurt, yet you would have us trust in you no matter the circumstance. I pray for couples who are in great hurt and pain today because of hurt and pain that happened year, decades ago. Lord, help them to sort the old from the new so that they can deal realistically in the hear and now. Help them to understand and confront old hurts so that they don’t replicate them again and again. Heal the old so that the present can also be healed. Help them to trust and have gratitude for your hand on every step of the journey. For your children who hurt in this way I pray. Amen.

Rev. Dr. Jack Ragland, LMFT